The Devil’s Bible, Part III.

The Devil too can quote Scripture…

– American Proverb

The god of the sun meets the Only Son of God

THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW
TEMPTATION I. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil (Apollo). After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
TEMPTATION II. Then the Devil (Apollo) took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
TEMPTATION III. Again, the Devil (Apollo) took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the Devil (Apollo) left him, and angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:1-11)

INTERPRETATION OF BIBLICAL TERMINOLOGY
Jesus Christ = Rabbi Joshua ben Joseph the Messiah
The Devil = Apollo, the Greco-Roman sun god
The Holy City = Rome
Highest Point of the Temple = Gold-Plated Roof of Vatican City
Very High Mountain = Mount Olympus
All the Kingdoms of the World = The United Nations

I. The First Temptation
SEXUAL PROPOSAL: Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil (Apollo). After fasting forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to Him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” (Matthew 4:2-3)
INTERPRETATION: Lick my balls until they loosen up, then give me fellatio. Let’s see if you can even make me orgasm and ejaculate…
CHASTE REFUSAL: Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:4)
INTERPRETATION: I’d rather starve to death than be a stupid cock-sucking faggot like you. I can already hear God’s voice warning me to kill you on sight.

II. The Second Temptation
SEXUAL PROPOSAL: Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” (Matthew 4:5-6)
INTERPRETATION: Lay down. Let me give you fellatio and see if you can even get it up. I won’t bite it off, I promise. Do you want to have anal sex with me with your big foot-long dong? I’ve got some lubricant right here.
CHASTE REFUSAL: Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matthew 4:7)
INTERPRETATION: Even though you’re a wimp and a pussy who will probably end up as someone’s girl someday, I’d never touch you with a ten foot pole.

III. The Third Temptation
SEXUAL PROPOSAL: Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ‘All this I will give you,’ he said, ‘if you will bow down and worship me.’ (Matthew 4:8-9)
INTERPRETATION: Get down on your knees and let me have anal sex with you from behind, or suck my cock and then swallow my cum.
CHASTE REFUSAL: Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the Devil left him, and Angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:10-11)
INTERPRETATION: You will trust in the perpetually flaccid, heterosexual penis of the LORD God alone. For He will never rape or seduce anyone at all. Only your degenerate father Zeus/Jupiter would ever do such of thing.

Cursed be Apollo, cursed be he. Cursed be the Devil, cursed be me.

The Devil’s Bible, Part I.

Part I. Another 1,000 Years of Pearl Tossing?

THE CLAIM: Jesus Christ condemns both masturbation and prostitution using allusion and metaphor

THE GOSPEL PASSAGE: Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces. (Matthew 7:6)
THE INTERPRETATION: Do not have sex with prostitutes and ejaculate into them. Do not masturbate and ejaculate your sperm into the open air. Remain completely chaste or the demonic world will blow you away.

BASIC REASONING:
I. GOSPEL VERSE #1: Do not give what is holy to dogs = Do not have sex with prostitutes and ejaculate in their mouths and rectums.
II. GOSPEL VERSE #2: Do not throw pearls before swine = Do not masturbate and ejaculate to XXX (666) pornography. It is demonic.

I. GOSPEL VERSE #1: Do not give what is holy to dogs
EXACT WORDS: What is holy
TRANSLATION: Your male virgin (or non-virgin) manhood and/or sperm
EXACT WORDS: Dogs
TRANSLATION: Ritual Prostitute, possibly young boy

THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF DOGS
OLD TESTAMENT: Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God. (Deuteronomy 23:18)

INTERPRETATION: The hire of a whore, or the price of a dog – Many public prostitutes dedicated to their gods a part of their impure earnings; and some of these prostitutes were publicly kept in the temple of Venus Melytta, whose gains were applied to the support of her abominable worship. (Commentary on the Bible, by Adam Clarke, 1831)

II. GOSPEL QUOTE #2: Do not throw your pearls before swine
EXACT WORDS: ‘Your pearls’
TRANSLATION: Your white-colored male semen and/or sperm
EXACT WORDS: ‘before swine‘
TRANSLATION: To ejaculate staring at pornography

 

THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF SWINE
OLD TESTAMENT: This term ‘Swine’ usually was a code word for wicked, evil non-Jews. or degenerate, unbelieving Gentiles
INTERPRETATION: The actual pigs and swine who earn their fortune in the XXX (666) pornography industry, the demons who sexually prey on those masturbate.

I honestly ask my fellow American ‘Yankee Doodle’ males, are we men or monkeys? Does anyone truly think it is possible to act like monkeys and also think and advance like men forever? I sincerely doubt it, I really do. Cursed be the Devil, cursed be me.

The Right and Left Hands of God the Father

Hands of the LORD God

I will give the victor the right to sit with Me on My throne, as I Myself first won the victory and sit with My Father on His throne.

– Revelation 3:21

The Two Good Hands of the Fathers
In Christian tradition, it is said that Jesus ascended into Heaven and is now seated at the Right hand of the Father. Who then sits at the Left hand of the Father? The most likely answer is Satan, the accuser. On the other hand, it may well be the Holy Ghost, who has been worshipped and revered as a integral part of the Christian Trinity for nearly 2,000 years. In fact, there is a book which has been published fairly recently which argues this very case, that the Holy Ghost does indeed sit at the the Left hand of God the Father. Nevertheless, the older, more traditional, argument that Satan, the ‘accuser’ or ‘adversary’ of those souls seeking to enter the Kingdom of Heaven continues to be seated at the Left (Sinister) hand of God’s Throne of Judgment, remains a fairly common understanding for most devout Christians, even in the Pagan/New Age world of today that is constantly being filled with an ever-increasing amount of new viewpoints and theological outlooks. The most specific mention of a ‘diabolical’ accuser performing the vital function of keeping disobedient sinners from a Heavenly reward which they do not deserve, and have never earned, comes from Rabbi Joshua ben Joseph Himself in the Gospel of John. The exact passage reads as follows:

Do not think that I will accuse you before the Father; the one who accuses you is Moses, in whom you have set your hope. For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me, for he wrote about Me. But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?

– John 5:45-47

In general, Christian doctrine believes mankind has been saved from eternal damnation by the atoning sacrifice of Rabbi Joshua’s Crucifixion along with His Divine forgiving grace bestowed upon individual believers through the Sacrament of Baptism and life-long Christian practices.  Nevertheless, every single Christian Bible still includes the full text of the Laws of Moses which can be found in the first five books of the Old Testament. Regardless of any specific details, these supposedly ‘primitive’, ‘arcane’, and ‘out-dated’ Commandments were kept there for a reason, most probably to be read and studied by any and all Christians and perhaps even to be obeyed. Given the metaphorical passages found in the Book of Revelation there is ample reason to believe that what Joshua the Messiah said  in the Gospel of John was, and still is true even today. For just as Church tradition believes that Rabbi Jesus ‘will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,’ the Synagogue of Satan (as specifically mentioned in Revelation) might claim that, at the same time, Satan will come again in fury to accuse and punish the living and the dead for their continued and flagrant disregard for the laws of the Old Testament which continue to remain in force because God the Father has never rescinded or removed any of them.

Behold the Hands of God!

It is often said that when a person is judged before the throne of God, Joshua the Messiah (Jesus Christ) acts as their defense lawyer, while Satan sits in opposition as the prosecuting attorney, hoping to sentence those who clearly deserve it to Hell. This means that Satan is nothing more than the ‘evil’ one who records the sins and misdeeds of the living in order to restrict, and even prohibit, their undeserved access to the Kingdom of Heaven and to demand punishment for one’s disobedience to the clearly written laws of God as presented in the Old Testament. Here is a sampling of some various, different Judeo-Christian Fathers and a rare glimpse of who would be seated at their Right and Left hand:

————— —————- 

Right Hand —- Father’s Throne —— Left Hand

Joshua the Messiah — God the Father ————- Satan the Accuser
Abel —————————- Adam —————————— Seth
Isaac (by Sarah) ———– Abraham —————— Ishmael (by Hagar)
Jacob/Israel —————— Isaac —————————— Esau
Ephraim ———————- Joseph ————————- Manasseh
Prince William ———- Prince Charles —————– Prince Harry
Knights Templar —— St. Peter (or Pope) ———- Knights Hospitaller
The Sheep ————- Joshua the Messiah ————- The Goats
Defense Attorney ——— Judge ——————– Prosecuting Attorney
Blue/Green —————— White —————————— Red

_______________________________________________________